if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
