I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
