I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize