im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
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I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
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Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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