he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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