It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is Oprah even human
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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