We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
