You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
