that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
