Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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