Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
