I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
