just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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