i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
