Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
