I puked a lego.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
