My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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