i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
