I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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