I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
