It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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