my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
