jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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