He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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