Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
