I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
