I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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