I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
oh god the rape fog is back!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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