My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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