Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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