It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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