You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
