We're facebook friends in real life
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
