I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
