The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
