Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
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I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
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My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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