this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
