I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
