I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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