she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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