I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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