Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I pour the whiskey from now on
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
