its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
