I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
