He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
