I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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