I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
