We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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