I just threw up on my dentist
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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