Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
