Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
