totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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