News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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