God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
