he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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