I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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