Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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