I can tuck mytits in my pants
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
