What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
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Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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