he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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