I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize