I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!