If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
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You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
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We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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