It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal