we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
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i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.