i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.