need another drink. this is the easiest way
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
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corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
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I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.