First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle