How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
