I puked a lego.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
