Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
