I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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