He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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