4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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