My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize