I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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