You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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