So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
