yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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