i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
