Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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