I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
where are my eyebrows?
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