What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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