weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
