and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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