I think I am morally bankrupt
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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