Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
