Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
