Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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