all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
